5 Years from the Darkness

About 3 hours from now will mark the 5 year "anniversary" of the beginning of the darkest period of my life. On July 1, 2000 at 12:48am the world as I knew it changed forever.

It is strange how 5 years can seem so long ago, like another lifetime, but at the same time it seems like yesterday.

The moment it happened I prayed to God that she would be OK, and at the same time I prayed that if she wasn't that he take good care of my soulmate.

I don't pray very often, I feel that things in my life have been pretty darn good and God should take care of the people who need him. In an instant I realized that God was all I had to get me through. I had to believe in Him and at the same time I began to trust myself to allow him to guide me through the darkness I was sure to be enveloped by.

I needed him more than I could have imagined because the person who was my life force was gone. She would have known what to tell me, how to comfort me through the unyielding grief. I would have cried on her shoulder and held her tight to comfort me. But, she was gone. She knew me from the inner core of my being. And she was gone. How was I to survive?

35 is way too young to be a widower, but there I was. If not for my friends and family I would not have made it to 40. There is no doubt in my mind it would have killed me...period.

But I guess God had different plans for me. He surrounded me with people who love and support me, no matter how low I get. They have never failed to be there when I needed support.

Thank you all...
Love
Jay