When Did I Become My Dad?

At what point in my life did I become my Dad? Hmm, somewhere after the time I got my first full time job and bought a house.

I guess responsibilities do that to you. All of a sudden you are the one making the decisions, big ones and small.

Instead of deciding where to take the next "road trip" with your buddies, when you jump in the car and take off for the weekend, and maybe find a hotel somewhere to stay in. Now, it is a vacation to visit family, where to go?...who to see?...reservations?

Oh, and that's the easy stuff. How about funerals, weddings and hospitals? That is the hard stuff.

Losing a loved one is never easy. Seeing it happen gradually is heart wrenching. You want to comfort them and hold them close and at the same time let them know it is OK to move on. Most of all you want to be strong for them, even when you feel you are your most vulnerable.

When I was a kid and a relative died I always looked to my dad for guidance and clues on how to handle death. We never talked about it, he didn't handle death very well. I'm starting to figure it out on my own, partly by watching time slowly take it's toll on him.

His approach, to just hold it in and not let the pain show, doesn't work for me. I feel that the pain from losing someone is just the love you feel getting all stirred up inside you. There is absolutely no better way to make a person's day than to tell them how much you care. Don't hold it in. Let them know!

"I love you"...just three little words that can change the world...and they do everyday.

Funny thing is, love isn't finite. The more you spread it around the more it grows and the better it makes you feel as well as all those around you. What can be better than that?

Today is my Dad's 66th birthday. We're having a party at my house, hopefully he'll make it. He says he hasn't been feeling too well lately. I wish he realized that we are what he needs to feel better, at least a little bit anyways.

The party will go on without him though, it is mostly for me! Since my 40th birthday is on Wednesday, May 4th, we are having a party on Saturday, April 30th. Who has a party on Wednesday?

So, you see why I am waxing poetic about my Dad...don't you? Well, I'm not sure either. I thought by the time I got to be this age I would have all the answers, but it seems I just keep finding more questions...I'll ask my Dad, maybe he knows?